What I Want

This is mainly for myself and reminding myself now and for future reference.

What do I want right now?
 I want to feel happy. I want to get out of this depression slump. I want Brandon to be alive. I want to give him a hug and tell him I love him, and to say sorry. I want to be mentally healthy. I want to stop having thoughts about why I am alive, and what my purpose is. I want to be sure about the boy I am dating. I want to be able to live a day only having to take half the pills I take. I want to live somewhere else. I want to destroy something, and create something better. I want to run away from everyone and somehow survive on my own. I want people to stop distancing themselves from me because they don't know how to handle death. I want people to see how I can be such a great friend if they'll let me. I want to show everyone who I am. I want to be okay in time, and I want to know it'll be okay. I want to find a guy that makes me laugh everyday for the rest of my life, make sure he's my best friend, marry him, and have a family that has adventures together. I want to always be a good person. I want to help people. I want to travel, and expand my mind in all aspects. I want to read more books. I want to cross things off my bucket list more often. I really just want to live life to its fullest. I don't want to live a mediocre life. I just want to be happy, and okay with the life that I've chosen.