Ohio

I'll always be an Ohio girl. This is the place i long to be <3 I love this place.

My Dreams

Lately i've felt like i haven't been pushing myself enough to do the things i truly love, or that i'm too scared i am not good enough or it's too late to chase my dreams. Lately i've really really wanted to be a Ballerina. I know it sounds super cliche and like "every little girl's dream" but it's something i really want. I desperately want to do Pointe Ballet. I'm gonna look into it. I used to do it when i lived in Ohio but then we moved and i stopped doing it. I'm gonna look into private ballet lessons. I know i have a lot of fight in me and a butt-load of passion for the things i love. I know i can push myself to the point of no return to get the things i love. I'm gonna do it. This is what i want. I need some way to express myself besides photography and art. I need a physical aspect that i love that keeps me in shape and feeling great about myself everyday even if my body is too sore to function. I need that passion and fight running again. It's such a beautiful way to live.

Familyness

Alyssa and Weston got here yesterday and so we took him out on the trampoline and brandon followed us along with my mother and i swiped out my camera and got a couple shots i kinda like :)

Today was incredible. I spent most of my day out in the sun. There are small things that could have made it better, but the sun was shining for the first time really, since November. I spent a good 4 hours at least out in the sun doing childish things like blowing bubbles and drawing with sidewalk chalk and taking pictures of the things around me. It was the best i've felt in a while. I felt like myself and like nothing could hold me back. I want that feeling every day. Since i've made the decision to actually let myself be happy i've come to my senses and have been able to choose happiness and reality at the same time. Not being overly happy and not letting myself get super sad either. It's a nice balance for me. I really do love my life

I Love This

Hold My Heart-Tenth Avenue North


How long must I pray, must I pray to You
How long must I wait, must I wait for You
How long 'till I see Your face
See You shining through

I'm on my knees
Begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You turn to me, yeah?

One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way
I'm done asking why

'Cause I'm on my knees
Begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You run to me, yeah?

One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?

So many questions without answers
Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances
To hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?

Hold my heart
Could You hold my heart?
Hold my heart

THIS is what i'm gonna do before college. yummy. Let's hop to it. Bring on the adrenaline

Well, at least i've still got my family, my music, my spontaneous attitude (slowly coming back), and a few very good friends. That's really all i need right?

Jeeze, this whole thing is so emotionally drowning. One of these days i'm gonna pass out and realize i've probably gotta start sleeping and eating. But i seriously just can't sleep and it makes me feel so sick to eat. I need to get my mind off of things and move forward with my life

I woke up smiling this morning :)I was staring out the window cuz i slept on the couch in the living room and the sun is shining and the sky is clear and there was this bird that flew up next to the window that made me feel good for some reason. i get to drive up to Murray by myself this morning with my music. PERFECT opportunity to enjoy my own company and think and enjoy the sunshine. It's always the little things for me that add up and help me choose happiness over sadness. Moving on with my life, that's the direction i'm going in. Things are changing, and i've decided to too, for the better.