Counseling

So today I forced myself to go to counseling. I had gone a week after Brandon died, but it wasn't very good. He wasn't giving me the tools I needed to cope with life, or helping me in any sort of way. This woman I went to today was 10x better than that man. She got me to tell her my entire life's struggle in a whole hour! She seems like she's really going to help. I'm excited to get better, but at the same time my paranoia gets worse everyday. Last night I was talking with the boy I'm dating in the dark and I had my eyes closed, and when I opened them to look at his face my mind had distorted it. I closed my eyes to try and make it disappear and reopened them to find myself distorting a chair in the corner into something that looked like a tall black figure. I know it sounds ridiculous when you're not the one experiencing it, but it is a real thing for me. It's probably the thing I am struggling with most right now. My brain is floating somewhere in between partially insane, and completely psychotic.