Brandon

Oh gosh, I miss Brandon so much today. It's been a day and a half almost since he's died. I feel like I've lost my other half and that's so incredibly dramatic to say, but honestly, it was always "Claire and Brandon" I even remember getting mad at my mom one time when I was younger because it made Brandon and I sound like a married couple and I was on the prowl ya know? haha yes, we really were so tight. We weren't always like this though. Brandon has struggled with drugs his whole life and that is exactly what has distanced us. I remember Brandon and I as children we were best best friends, and once he started using drugs i noticed a difference but I didn't know what it was. I slowly started to grow feelings of resentment when I would try and look after him. I didn't want my best friend using drugs. My feelings of protection slowly grew into feelings of anger. I've always been kind of rough with Brandon because my dad isn't here to put him in his place, but this past year I have been so much kinder to him. This past year Brandon went to rehab which really took a huge tole on our family, and when he was in rehab we really opened up to each other. We would pour out our feelings of grief and despair. How Brandon would steal my things and sell them and I really didn't care because I was so happy that we were communicating again and we were telling each other we loved each other again! We would write back and forth about everything and anything. He would talk about how sorry he was all the time for hurting our family. It was truly heartbreaking. I was at college and he was at rehab. Brandon got out of rehab before my first semester of college ended so I didn't get to see him the first week he was home, but when I did get home, let me tell you. I came skipping through the door and I jumped on Brandon. It was so strange to go to "hopeless father figure" to being "best friends, and a sister" again. After that I would make sure I told him I loved him, and when I knew he was down I'd hug him and would tell him I loved him. Whenever I had concerns about boys and someone had broken my heart Brandon would threaten to break their neck and would use some choice words and that would be that. He always has a way of making people laugh in that "not so appropriate" kind of way. I'm really going to miss that. I never did have that kind of humor, and usually I can muster something up in whatever type of humor, but not with Brandon. The night before he passed I was lucky enough to tell him I loved him right before I went to bed. He told me he loved me too, and that was that. I'm truly going to miss him so dearly. I haven't fully accepted the fact that he is gone, but I will in time. The funeral on Friday is going to be harder than my father's funeral. I've never been so heartbroken in my entire life, but I can feel the prayers of people around me. I would never be able to do with without them. I especially would not be able to cope without my Heavenly Father, The Lord, and The Holy Ghost.