Lately I've been trying to pull apart my life and reanalyze why things are happening and more specifically why they are happening to me. Recently I had my heart broken by a boy I was in a relationship for the past year and a half. I've been degraded by this boy for the past few months now, but last night was the limit. I have never felt so belittled by a person in my entire life. I was on my way over to talk to him with great intentions (I honestly just wanted to be friends, that's it, and his life is a total mess right now so I was genuinely concerned) when he refused to come out of his house, so feeling embarrassed and broken I sped off and on my way home, I spotted the church, I pulled into the parking lot and cried for a few minutes feeling lost and broken, and then I prayed. I prayed so hard and so passionately. I felt so close to my Heavenly Father. After letting a good scream out after my prayer, relieving tension building up in my heart, I sat in the silence thinking about how badly he made me hurt, and how unattractive he has become to me. It's incredible how someones personality can literally alter how attracted you are to them. Watching the change in my friends in Alpine has really taken a tole on me. Two of my really good guy friends have changed as well, but not for the worse, for the better. I came back and they've grown into men. I never thought something could happen so quickly, but oddly enough I found myself even becoming attracted to one of them because of the enormous change in perspective on life. I know I've changed as well, and although I've been degraded for changing, I know I have changed for the better. I've grown into a young woman that knows what she wants, and I know who I am. I am living a happy life, it gets better every single day, and I embrace every moment of it. I'm exactly who I want to be, and no one can change that. I am constantly growing and learning from the trials life throws my way, and I wouldn't have it any different.  Life really is a beautiful mess, and I love it so much!




P.S. I'm better off without you....screw that pal. <3