First run of the season, 5 miles, second run of the season, 7 miles. Seriously winter can suck it. I win :)

Hashimoto's Progress

So I was blessed enough to get some more information on healing my body this week, and especially stabilizing my thyroid gland!! My brother in law Dave's sister is staying with us this week, and she just so happens to be an herbalist. Herbalism is an alternative form of medical practice, it's instead of being and MD (Medical Doctor) you're an ND (Natural Doctor.) This is the type of medical practice I would like to do someday. Laura and I got to talk about the different medical schools I could go to, to become an ND :) Anyway, she was telling me about an allergy test I could take that tells you not only what food you are allergic to but what foods you are INTOLERANT to!!! OH MY GOODNESS! For those of you that don't know how significant this is to me will soon know why! My disease, Hashimoto's disease is an endocrine based disease where your whole endocrine system is messed up and this is due to inflammation in the gut. the inflammation in the gut is caused by diet based foods. THUS!!! figuring out what foods inflame my gut will help stabilize my disease! This is just the cherry on top of all the information I have been collecting this past year. I have been receiving little pieces to my puzzle this past year and I can't help but feel overly blessed. She also told me about this herbal tea called tulsi tea. It's supposedly supposed to help even more with the healing process of the endocrine system so I'm overly excited about all this new information I've received. I'm going to take the test tomorrow, and I'll let everyone know how it goes :)

Longboarding

I went longboarding with one of my very best friends today, and it was absolutely freezing. I've been nagging her to get one for a while so I'm ever so stoked that she and I can go all the time now :) It's such a great outlet. For any of you who have ever wanted to try it, but haven't, you really should!

Vegetarianism

So I think I have some explaining to do for some of you. As you know I've been eating vegetarian for the past 2 months. It's actually going really well, and for those of you that strongly disagree with my decision I would be happy to explain to you why I have decided to do so :) First and foremost, as all of you know, or should know by now I have had all sorts of health issues my whole life, and those of you understand that finding a resolution to your symptoms is and on going life process. One of my symptoms is having a completely messed up digestive system. Since I've cut out meat from my diet my digestive system has started to heal itself. THAT IS HUGE FOR ME! Second reason is that I've never been to fond of denying the fact that I'm eating animals that are being killed in an inhumane way. I understand that animals are here to be eating, but in moderation. I have no problem enjoying a steak every once in a while. Like maybe once a year or so, but in moderation. The thing is that I can't even watch people hunt without getting emotional. I've never been too fond of dead animals, and I figured it was finally time to come to terms with the fact that my morals were a bit confused. I understand that there have been a lot of changes in my life these days, but I would really appreciate it if all of you would be supportive as I sort my life and my health out. I've made so much progress and I know it's exhausting, and I'm so grateful for all of you who support me and morph to my ever-changing lifestyle. I love all of you so much. I gain so much strength from my friends and family.

Halloween Festivities!

So as you all know (or should know about me) I am huge on the holidays. It's questionable that someone else in the whole world could be more festive than I...not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing...but REGARDLESS, I am what I am. So I've been trying to find ways to bring out my so called "holiday cheer" ;) I've been excited for this time of year since July so I can't shove my point quite enough when it comes to how excited I am for the holidays :) My mother sent me a Halloween package the other week, so now my dorm is all decorated with creepy eye lights and candle smells and hot chocolate (even though I'm sugar intolerant) That's okay, it's like my pumpkin pie theory if you've ever heard it. It's this theory I have about how I enjoy pumpkin pie (or hot chocolate in this case) just being in the room. The fact that someone is enjoying it for me is what I love. Like at christmas when people eat cookies and drink hot cocoa on Christmas Eve. It's the fact that someone is enjoying themselves, it's so contagious. But yes she sent me hot cocoa so I could enjoy others enjoying it haha. She also sent me some other cute little cheery items. Tonight my lifelong primary best friend Lauren and I made Caramel Apple Pie covered Apples, along with Reese's Pieces Caramel covered Apples. I didn't taste them, but from what I smelled they were obviously delightful. I had a blast with her melting gourmet chocolates and prepping apples. It's nice to get into the spirit of fall, especially with people that you love. We made the apples for some guy friends of ours and "ghosted" them. It's like the 12 days of Christmas where you ding dong ditch the people and leave them treats; so they don't know it was us :) SO SHH! We gave the rest of them to our roommates after a while of the longing glances over at us haha I figured they deserved some :) Anywho I thought I ought to just post a little something on the Halloween/Fall season. I'll probably post my cute fall boots sometime later this week :) Stay classy friends.

I also went to Frightmares at Lagoon with my Mom, Stepdad, Stepsister, Sister, Brother-in-Law, and my boy Colton. It was a blast with all of them. It was like a big date night for all of us adults. There was a full moon that night and there were people dressed up in costumes running around scaring people. Everything felt perfect and fall-like. I'm sure going to miss this boy. He's been a strength to me ever since my brother died in January. He's been my best friend, and he leaves for his mission January 30th so we've got some time, but I'm sure going to miss him. I'll update all of you on what I plan on doing in the near future :) 

Half-Marathon?

Uhm, I think yes :) Hey hey readers, so I've been running a lot since January 1st. January 1st (the day my brother died) was actually the first day that started all of this running nonsense. I needed someway to vent that day and running was the only thing I could think of to get out of that horrifying house. (Just for the record the house I lived in in January does not feel like that any longer. We've accomplished bringing the love and homeyness back into our house. It's a blessing) ANYWHO! I went running, and absolutely STRUGGLED through that pathetically short mile haha. I know, pathetic indeed. Since then i've run over 130 miles. I'd say that's somewhat of an accomplishment. You guys can judge for yourself, BUT since I'm a running addict right now I'll be starting a half marathon training schedule starting this monday. I couldn't be more stoked. I love running.

p.s. Watch this video.

Hey Everyone! I know I haven't updated you guys in a while. The latest update is, I went Skydiving yesterday :) Also I've spent about 2 weeks up here at BYU Idaho. It's amazing and I got to live with the best roommates! These girls are so much fun. My lifelong friend Lauren, and my brand new roommate Jovanne both came with me yesterday to go on the crazy adventure. For anyone who has ever thought about skydiving, do it ASAP! It's nice to finally be able to say I did it. I'm so ready to get completely settled in here at BYU-I. I'm hoping to apply for the European Humanities study abroad tour this week. We go to places like  London, Paris, Rome, Florence, Austria and Munich! It should be the trip of a lifetime! I plan on going on this tour with Jovanne and Lauren (the same girls I went skydiving with). I'm so glad I found people that are willing to do spontaneous things with me. Anywho, here are some of the photos from diving via the sky ;)

 
 
 

Raw Vegan

I've decided to try out Raw Veganism for at least a week. I'm on day 3 and things are going great! I have so much energy and I haven't had a headache all day today yet. We will see what happens in a couple of days. I'll update you then, but the thing with Raw Veganism is that I've heard so many amazing stories as far as people with really poor health adapting to this eating lifestyle and it curing their health problems, so I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst :) We shall see!

Come on Tuscany Place, cut me some slack so I can room with my best friend :/ I think that's what I need right now. I really want to go back to BYU Idaho, but I want to feel as though I'm in a safe place. I don't think I'm ready to risk being comfortable at this point in my life. I'm already so far out of my comfort zone. I just want to go to Idaho :/

Run Run Run

Today has started fantastic. Lately I've been challenging myself, especially with my health. I've started eating a lot of raw foods because it gives me more energy and meat makes me feel sick a lot of the time, and today I ran my first set of 6.5 miles today. Took me about an hour, but for my first set I'd say that's pretty swell. I've got blisters all over my feet, but I'm proud of myself. I'm going to start training for a half marathon and then hopefully next year I'll be able to run a full marathon. Doing hard things makes me feel like I can accomplish anything. It's amazing what you can do when you get past the mental block that everyone sets for themselves.

I can't wait to go to the beach! Soon enough :) 

Bucket List

I get to cross TWO things off my bucket list today :D :D :D

Number 9.  & number 57. will be officially crossed off today :)

9. Own a sexy motorcycle or vespa

57. Go redhead

:)

That's right people. My bucket list is actually being lessened. Now, if I could just get my mom to let me get a husky for my birthday I'll be even more stoked ;) #32!

 

Dying my hair this color Monday yo, at least a mix between these two. Oh and I bought a Stella Scooter today :) Here are pictures of the hair and the exact scooter I just bought today.

I'm slightly confused at the moment.... 0.o Usually I can read people fairly well. Not this time.

Life

"Life's too short to even care at all oh woah."

I've decided life honestly is too short to not do the things i want, or honestly to care. If I want to talk to a stranger I'm doing it. If I need to tell someone something I'm doing it without worries. I do what I want yo! Life honestly is too short to even care at all. Brandon showed me that. I've never been taught such a valuable lesson before. I'm so blessed. P.S. If you haven't noticed by now I post way too many songs. I love music more than life itself.

This song is the soundtrack to my life. It makes me cry like a baby every time i listen to it. It pertains to my life in every aspect, especially now.

Beautiful

Dreaming

I had a dream about Brandon last night. It was incredible, for me at least. Long story short, he told me he faked his death and I was telling him how I had seen him in the funeral home and had touched his skin, and it was cold and hard like leather, and he told me "no, my skin has never been like that" and I touched his skin and it felt the same as always. We listened to music together and laughed together and I told him that I had missed him, and we got to spend that short amount of time together. I asked him a series of questions about his death and why he did it, and near the end someone came and was speaking with him, I couldn't see who, but i knew it was important for him to talk to with person. I had asked him if his death had been an accident or intentional, and i know he heard my question, but i don't think i was supposed to hear the answer. I woke up thinking Brandon was just sleeping down the hall again waiting for me to wake up and come talk to him. Although he wasn't there I woke up happy because I had been able to talk with my brother again, even if it was a dream.

About Today

Today was a good day, and I'm not sure why. I was just glad to be me. I think my dream last night started my day off pretty good. I had a dream I went to college again and got to see my best friend Lauren, and my friend Seth. I woke up missing college like crazy. I might go back. I've forgotten how much fun I had there, and how much I grew from that experience. Anyway, I'm glad to be me today.

Counseling

So today I forced myself to go to counseling. I had gone a week after Brandon died, but it wasn't very good. He wasn't giving me the tools I needed to cope with life, or helping me in any sort of way. This woman I went to today was 10x better than that man. She got me to tell her my entire life's struggle in a whole hour! She seems like she's really going to help. I'm excited to get better, but at the same time my paranoia gets worse everyday. Last night I was talking with the boy I'm dating in the dark and I had my eyes closed, and when I opened them to look at his face my mind had distorted it. I closed my eyes to try and make it disappear and reopened them to find myself distorting a chair in the corner into something that looked like a tall black figure. I know it sounds ridiculous when you're not the one experiencing it, but it is a real thing for me. It's probably the thing I am struggling with most right now. My brain is floating somewhere in between partially insane, and completely psychotic.

What I Want

This is mainly for myself and reminding myself now and for future reference.

What do I want right now?
 I want to feel happy. I want to get out of this depression slump. I want Brandon to be alive. I want to give him a hug and tell him I love him, and to say sorry. I want to be mentally healthy. I want to stop having thoughts about why I am alive, and what my purpose is. I want to be sure about the boy I am dating. I want to be able to live a day only having to take half the pills I take. I want to live somewhere else. I want to destroy something, and create something better. I want to run away from everyone and somehow survive on my own. I want people to stop distancing themselves from me because they don't know how to handle death. I want people to see how I can be such a great friend if they'll let me. I want to show everyone who I am. I want to be okay in time, and I want to know it'll be okay. I want to find a guy that makes me laugh everyday for the rest of my life, make sure he's my best friend, marry him, and have a family that has adventures together. I want to always be a good person. I want to help people. I want to travel, and expand my mind in all aspects. I want to read more books. I want to cross things off my bucket list more often. I really just want to live life to its fullest. I don't want to live a mediocre life. I just want to be happy, and okay with the life that I've chosen.