Stuck at the airport, my mind is racing and I don't know what to think of it. I thought I was so strong. These things just take time. My mother always tells me the next one will be that much better. I just need to remember how much better I deserve than this. I deserve to be treated like a queen, and there was a lot lacking in that area. I deserve so much more.

My day started off all right, I slept in and when I woke up the first thing I thought was, I slept in waaaayyyy too long today. :/ If anyone really knows me, I am very concerned with my health and sleeping more than 9 hours every night is bad for you. It's weird keeping track of the first thoughts you have every morning. I decided against showering today and attempted to crimp my hair, turn out suckish, so i took on the fishtail braid, and guessing it'd turn out suckish, it turned out super sexy. That threw my day into an awesome start haha. Ontop of my sexy hairdo for the day, I went to lunch with my mother at Simply Sushi. I love that place. I've loved it ever since Robbie (my new step dad) showed it to our family. I'm loving the new additions to my family by the way. I have such a strong appreciation for my family and all that they do for me. It's like living with a pack of my best friends. There's alway something entertaining to talk about with us, especially my new step sister Ashley. She loves to talk about boys with me, and I love talking about boys with her. We have a tradition to prank boys that break our hearts. It's been sort of a bonding experience. I love her so much! Anyway! So after lunch we went rock climbing. OH WAIT, before I forget, before lunch we went and test drove my hopefully, soon to be new car. The Fiat 500, not the Abarth version, because it's only been presented in California, but it comes to us in hopefully February (basically this Fiat is The Sex of all cars, it's like putting turbo on the car the size of a shoe!). I know I just got my Jeep, but the reason I'm selling it is because of the awful gas mileage :/ Oh well, The Fiat always puts me in a great mood, and I needed a pick me up this morning, so my mother, so tenderly said yes to my pleads. After my mom and I laughing together and obsessing over how cute the interior of the car is together we went to lunch and went climbing at this indoor climbing place we religiously go to. It's called Momentum, and it makes me feel like a million bucks. The men in that place, just let me tell you, they are babes! And the way climbing those walls makes you feel, is indescribable. It feels so awesome when your legs are shaking and about to give out and you touch the top of the wall, and let me tell you, these walls are not small. I come out of that place feeling unstoppable every time. Lately I've been more self reliant. I've been happy with who I am, and not having to rely on someone else to give me part of my happiness. I'm a proud independent woman who loves who she is. I don't need no man! ;) Maybe in time...whatever. I've been watching very closely to the way men treat their wives lately. It's adorable. Today was overall just a really great day. I try to make everyday some sort of incredible. I mean, not just the big things that happened. It's all about the little things with me. Some of the songs that came on the radio were just absolutely heart wrenching, some of them made me so happy, but none of them made me sad for myself. I guess I'm just hyper sensitive to emotions other people put forward. I heard the song I posted at the top on the radio today and I could feel the pain in his voice. Maybe it's just me being absolutely ridiculous, but I love being able to feel the emotions being put forth that other people so precisely put forth. My life gets better and better every day.

I can't wait for the day when a boy looks at me this way. Every girl deserves a boy who will look at her this way, and my day will come soon enough. I want my husband to feel so lucky to have me, like he's marrying his best possible option. I want to marry my best friend. I want to be spontaneous. I want to be fun wife that plans trips to exciting places where we can have adventures together. I want to have a husband that embraces me at my worst and at my best. On the days when my disease get the best of me I want him to take care of me as if this was his last day with me. I want him to love me knowing that we have eternity together and that we are best friends. I want to face everyday with him and whatever challenges may lie ahead, knowing that he will always be by my side to at least tell me he loves me. I want to work through the hard times, and if we ever do live a leisurely life I want to have the heart of a humbled couple. I want to raise our children influencing them for the better. I want to have inside jokes, and make traditions. I want someone who can keep me on my toes just as much as I can keep him on his toes. I want someone who will protect me and my family. I want someone who knows me better than myself, but doesn't know what I'll do next. I want someone who vents to me and tells me all his problems so we can deal with them together. I want to know him frontwards and backwards, loving every talents and embracing every flaw. I want someone who accepts me fully, every bad habit and every unique gift. I want someone with quirks that compliment mine. I want someone with a unique sense of humor, who knows how to make me laugh. My mom says "Someday you'll find a boy you love so much he'll make your teeth sweat." I've learned to ask myself, "Does he make my teeth sweat?" And if he doesn't there's no question about it. I have a few things to do with my life before I get married, and the Lord will bring that man into my life when we are both married, but I can always remind myself what I deserve before that time comes. I love my life and every stage in it. 

The day before Thanksgiving I was feeling slightly down. I needed something to get my mind off of things. I remembered my mom had asked the photographer that did her wedding a couple months before if she needed an assistant or anything and she said yes! So I called her finally, after SOO much procrastination. I wasn't really expecting to get much out of the phone call, but it turns out she really didn't want an assistant because she is so poorly paid haha so she offered me something even better. She asked me if I wanted to intern with her. So pretty much she will teach me anything at all I want to know about photography. Anything from exposure settings, to getting models together to shoot with them to do some sort of high fashion shoot, which is kind of what I want to do potentially. She told me the best thing I should do is stop going to college and just intern my butt off with really great photographers, especially ones in New York! Sooooo haha I might be spending some time very soon in New York interning. Ideally, I'd love to go across seas and intern over in Greece, or Paris, but we will see what happens. I'm so stoked for this. I don't know if you guys understand how amazing this opportunity is. I'm so excited to get started with this. I start interning in December when I get back from college, WHICH ENDS IN TWO WEEKS!! YEAH BABY! But after school ends my next goal is to meet a couple guys :) I've got my eye on a few, so we'll see. So much potential for the future!

Right now, I feel like He is the only thing that can help me.

Watch This Video. This man has so much passion. I want to learn to form words this well into inspiring flawless sentences.